Thursday, May 10, 2007

The Land of Do As You Please

Aside from being the title of one of my favourite albums, this would also appear to be the guiding principle of the world of English football at the moment. Come with me on a journey through a few sports stories of recent times and imagine if they had taken place in Corruption Ridden Italy (copyright UK tabloids 1963-present day).

Scenario one: A Serie A side, let's call them Prosciutto Ovest, signs up two Argentine internationals, let's call them Carlo Bevez and Jacky Mascheroni. It subsequently emerges that they remained in the hands of a third party who could decide whether they played or not. The Italian federation is called in to investigate and has the option of inflicting a points penalty - effectively relegating Prosciutto Ovest (nickname "The Spanners"). Instead, it decides on a hefty fine on new owner Magnus Eggbertson which - since he is worth a fortune - he accepts rather than fighting the decision.

Scenario two: Two sides in the top division agree to a loan deal for top Irish goalkeeper Howard Tim. The deal then becomes permanent but when the two teams meet later in the season he does not feature in the line-up. His new manager, Davide Moi, confesses it was down to an agreement with his old club. However, once again, after investigation, the Italian federation decides there is no case to answer.

Scenario three: A couple of teams are virtually relegated from Serie B and Serie C and facing administration. Realising the points penalty they face for such an action, both sides decide to render the penalty useless by taking their punishment before the end of the old season rather than the start of the new. Another piece of brilliant Italian skulduggery, I'm sure you agree.

Of course, if these had really happened in CRI (see above) what would really have happened was that Prosciutto Ovest would have been deducted points and relegated. In the second case, the phone calls between the two clubs would have been spattered all over the papers with a sporting "trial" dragging on for months. Finally, the last two teams would have been sent down to C2 and interregional football respectively. An interesting thought isn't it? Well, maybe not that interesting, but still...

Oh, and well done to Roma for tanking Inter in the first leg of the Coppa Italia final.


Aussie Romanista said...

I don't know what you wrote about GR, I'm sure you're right but I didn't read it, it's almost midnight and I just finished watching the first leg and I was curious about what you might have written about HOW SHIT INTER IS!
That's all.
Grazie Roma.

Pat said...

it really burns me up how hypocritical the english have been. lets not forget the bung scandal or the Arsenal scandal either and how was their not a massive investigation into Obi Mikel's transfer to Chelsea after he had already signed for Man U, im sure their was some dodgy stuff going on there.

Anonymous said...

hahaha Funny post. It wasn't Moggi this time, was it? Prosciutto Ovest is a great name for a club. Right up there with Deportivo Wanka.

- Juventino

TrentToffee said...

...AR, everyone knows Inter are shit. You keep telling us :0)


ginkers said...


I thought there might be a few happy Giallorossi after that one. Eases a few pains from earlier in the campaign. Do you think Totti can achieve his aim of the Golden Boot? Apparently he needs four goals in the last three games of the season or something like that.


It seems they are happy to sweep things under the carpet as long as the goose that laid the golden egg remains untouched.


Deportivo Wanka is better - but only just...


There is definitely a theme to AR's posts. I admire his consistency!

Aussie Romanista said...

As I wrote, I'd just finished watching the game. What other reaction would you expect?

GR, I don't really care if he gets it or not. "Football's a team game Bob".

Antonio Gurrado said...

Prosciutto Ovest will make me laugh all weekend long!

martinobhoy said...

Tevez scores the goals to keep the Hammers up while Sheffield United go down with Wigan saying they'll back Sheffield's fight all the way.

Could be an interesting summer....

ginkers said...

Martino, it is so very Italian with Sheff Utd calling for a Premiership of 21 teams and the like. Now FIFA is investigating. Going to be interesting indeed.

Spangly Princess said...

hahaha great post, Ginkers, and Prosciutto Ovest has made me giggle like a loon!

tracey said...

I agree the English approach to corruption is amateurish. It will take us several more decades to reach the level of sophistication practiced by Italians, the self acknowledged masters of the art.
Are you sure Prosciutto Ovest would have been deducted points and relegated? None of the corrupt victories by various Italian teams by bribery and doping have been struck-off, despite all the evidence.

If an independent commision (not the Premier League) decided a fine was adequate punishment what are they supposed to do? Tell them to go away and not come back til they reach a decision they like?
However, you do have a point on Tim Howard, and with England football become the foreign criminals money-laundering home of choice, an Italian style blow-up is more than possible and the sheudenfreude will be all yours.

Until then as the Guardian put it on Milan's victory "A summer of shame whitewashed into a victory for upstanding characters and "true" causes in just ten months. Only in Italia."